How can I love someone before I love myself?

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting on love. Not fantasy love, not chaotic love, but the kind that feels like peace. This piece is not about chasing a relationship. It’s about understanding what it really means to be ready for one.

How Can I Love Someone Before I Love Myself?

This is a beautiful set of words for all my beautiful ladies out there: let’s manifest romantic love.

My intention here is to give you practical and lived experience exercises. But first, we need to clarify what romantic love actually is. This is my definition: romantic love is fiery, emotional, and full of passion that we feel towards another person. It is where we create intimacy, sexual desire, and idealisation of moments with that person.

But how can we manifest romantic love? Is it possible to manifest it? Yes, it is possible. The most important question is not whether it is possible. The most important question is: how are you manifesting your romantic love? The answer to this question changes everything.

You do not manifest love by asking the universe to bring you someone. You manifest love by removing what blocks love from staying.

Let us first look at the reality of the woman you are.

You are strong, independent, and capable. You are productive and do not need to be rescued by any man. You move, build, plan, and execute. You are not lonely. You are functional, organised, and safe.

And yet, somewhere inside you, you still want romantic love.

Because you have built so much and endured difficult challenges, you have learned to harden. You hardened from the inside out. That strong brick wall does not accept chaos, obsession, or intensity disguised as passion.

When you think about manifesting love, your biggest blocks are usually fear, impatience, lack of safety, self-betrayal, and more. Why? Because many people learn to live in chaos. In my view, a person does not attract chaos; a person learns to live with it. You become used to it. Then calm feels unfamiliar.

Because of that, the other person would need to be strong enough to hold you, strong enough to hug you, strong enough to keep you, strong enough to teach you that chaos is a no-no. A big no-no. There is no trust in calm. There is fear of not feeling chosen. Not feeling chosen often comes from betrayal and past broken relationships. Every relationship that breaks breaks both people. Both parts suffer. Both parts cry. That is the reality.

Now, let us ask something more important. What would you do if your romantic love, the one you have been “manifesting,” actually arrives?

What would be your first question? About the man? About the woman?

We often miss the most important questions, and those are about ourselves.

Where am I in my life right now?
Do I actually have space for romantic love?
What is my definition of romantic love? How do I view it? Is it healthy?
Am I ready to let this manifested love go if it is not meant to stay?

Romantic love is not something you chase. It is something you prepare for. Preparation is key. It is not fantasy. It is practical.

One of the practical exercises I use, whether I am single or in a relationship, starts in the bedroom. Look at your bedroom. Look at your bed. Does it reflect partnership or survival? Is there space for two lamps? Two bedside tables? Two people? Or does it reflect independence and control?

If you truly want romantic love, your physical space must reflect that intention. Your sacred space is not only your bedroom. It is your entire house, your heart, and your soul. But the bedroom is where we begin.

In my own practice, I replace everything that feels old, carries heavy energy, or does not feel right. Anything that feels like survival mode, I remove. Old bedding with holes, old compromises, old energy—put it in the bin. I refresh bedding, scents, flowers, sheets. As I do these rituals, I visualise the presence of the partner I want. I create space for “him,” or if I am already in a relationship, for my partner.

For mothers who fold laundry in the bedroom, I understand. We do not have to be perfect or do rituals every day. Sometimes it is not possible. But a few times a week, as many as you can, is enough.

This practice does three things at once.

First, it interrupts stagnation. Old bedding represents old identity and old compromises. Replacing it is both symbolic and practical.

Second, it introduces partnership into the nervous system. Pairs of lamps. Shared space. Co-habitation without a person present yet.

Third, it invites complementary energy safely. Not sexual. Not performative. Just presence, support, participation.

You are teaching your body what togetherness feels like before it arrives. You are forcing the brain to adapt without argument.

Another exercise I give is listening to romantic music and singing to romantic love. This is not about the other person. It opens the chest. It softens guarded emotion. It reintroduces tenderness without risk. It changes how a woman feels about herself as a romantic being. That is healing.

You are not manifesting intensity. You are manifesting shared life.

You must also understand something important. Romantic love that comes may not come to stay forever. It may come to teach you something. When it is time for it to go, you must let it go. Do not block your energy. That is a misconception. Love is not obsession. It is respect. Some relationships are soul contracts. They come, they teach, and they go.

The biggest exercise about love chasing is this: do not chase it.

Your mindset is step one. These changes are for you. They are not about lowering your standards to secure a relationship. The person who comes will accept you as you are and where you are in life. A relationship is a commitment of continuous respect and understanding.

Now we return to the central question: how can I love someone before I love myself?

When someone loves another before loving themselves, they are asking the other person to regulate them. They are asking the other person to choose them so they can feel chosen. They are asking the other person to give safety they do not yet have inside.

That is not romance. That is survival.

Survival love always comes with fear.

Real love should feel like peace and home. Security. A sense of home away from danger and uncertainty. Calm, healthy love may feel unfamiliar at first. It may feel unsettling in a good way. Butterflies, warmth, a grounded sense of being held. But it should not feel like walking on eggshells. It should not feel chaotic.

If romantic love arrived tomorrow, calm, healthy, and present, what part of you would struggle the most to receive it? How do you give love the conditions to reveal itself? If you decide to observe quietly, what are you watching for?

You are watching for peace. You are watching for whether this person brings calm to your body. You are watching whether you feel safe, grounded, and at home. You are watching whether you can share simple life: walking in the woods in winter, early spring with birds and green leaves, foraging where legally allowed, cooking meals together, buying a dress and feeling good, visiting museums and galleries, holding hands.

Nothing sexual. Nothing performative. Just shared life.

Manifesting romantic love is not about attracting someone through words. It is about regulating yourself to recognise peace and honest love when it arrives. And when it arrives, you must not sabotage it. If it leaves, you must not collapse.

You are not manifesting intensity. You are manifesting shared life.

And that begins with loving yourself first.

Marcia

How Can I Become a Better Woman?

How can you become a better woman?

Begin with honesty — real honesty with yourself. Not the softened version that keeps you comfortable, but the kind that opens the door to growth. Becoming a better woman is not about striving for perfection or living up to anyone else’s expectations. It is about looking inward with clarity and choosing responsibility over avoidance.

Many women move through life absorbing the insecurities of others without realising it. Someone projects their fears, doubts, or emotional chaos, and suddenly you are the one carrying it. But part of becoming a stronger, more grounded woman is learning to recognise what belongs to you and what does not.

If an insecurity is yours, meet it directly. Notice where it comes from, why it surfaces, and what it is asking you to change or understand. Avoiding it only strengthens it.

If an insecurity is not yours, release it. You are not responsible for holding the emotional weight of others. Their fears, their misunderstandings, their lack of awareness — these things do not belong in your hands or your heart. You can acknowledge them without absorbing them, and return them with calmness and respect.

This work requires courage. It also requires a willingness to see yourself truthfully:

• How do you value yourself as a woman?

• Are you living as your true self, or performing a version of strength that hides your vulnerability?

• Are you still waiting for others to validate you before you trust your own choices?

• Do you own your mistakes and flaws, or do you defend them out of fear?

If the answers feel uncomfortable, let that discomfort guide you rather than discourage you. Growth often begins where excuses end.

Being a better woman is not about being softer or tougher. It is about being aware — aware of your patterns, your emotional habits, your boundaries, and the roles you still play out of old wounds. Many women stay busy, stay strong, or stay silent because facing the truth feels too raw. But transformation requires honesty, not performance.

As the year draws to a close, take a moment to reflect:

• What insecurity have I avoided addressing?

• What truth have I been afraid to admit?

• What emotional weight am I carrying that is not mine to carry?

• What part of me has been waiting to grow?

You are not unfinished — you are unfolding. Becoming a better woman is a conscious, deliberate journey. And it begins the moment you choose to stop hiding from yourself and start standing with yourself.

This is where the real woman — the grounded, aware, evolving woman — begins.

Marcia

An Open Letter to Men: The Weight You Were Never Meant to Carry Alone

There is a silence that lives in the hearts of many men: heavy, unspoken, and too often mistaken for strength.
It is the silence of those who were taught to endure rather than to feel, to fix rather than to speak, to carry rather than to rest.

From an early age, men are told they are the protectors, the builders, the ones who hold the world together. They are expected to provide not only shelter, but certainty. Yet the world has changed, economies have shifted, industries have vanished, and the very definition of manhood has been rewritten faster than the soul can adapt.

What happens when a man’s worth, once measured in what he could build or provide, is no longer visible in the mirror of society?
When his strength is no longer physical but emotional, and he has never been taught what that truly means?

Many are quietly breaking under this invisible weight. They smile at work, show up for their families, but inside they feel misplaced, no longer sure where they belong in a world that no longer asks them to protect, but doesn’t know how to honour their protection either.

It is no wonder that anxiety, depression, and despair are rising among men of all ages. The systems they were told would reward effort now leave them behind. Jobs vanish, incomes shrink, and the rhythm of modern life rewards performance over presence. Men are losing not only opportunities, but the ancient sense of purpose that once anchored their identity.

And yet, this is not a call for blame: it is a call for remembrance.

Because men were never meant to carry the world alone.
They were meant to share it in partnership, in balance, in the quiet strength that listens as much as it acts.

Women are growing stronger, yes. And that strength should not be seen as a threat, but as a hand extended toward equilibrium.
True empowerment, male or female, does not erase the other. It restores harmony where domination once lived.

To the men reading this: your worth has never depended on your income, your physical power, or your ability to endure pain in silence.
Your worth is in your presence. In your capacity to feel, to protect with empathy, to love with gentleness, and to admit when you are weary.

The protector does not disappear because the world changes; he evolves.
He learns that the greatest shield he can offer those he loves is not invulnerability, but awareness.

The world needs men who can sit with their own hearts without shame.
Men who can say “I don’t know,” and still stand tall.
Men who can redefine strength not as control, but as grounded compassion.

If you are struggling, please remember: silence is not strength, and vulnerability is not defeat.
Every tear you withhold is a seed of understanding waiting to grow.
Speak. Reach. Let yourself be seen, not as broken, but as becoming.

And to the women reading this: do not forget the men.
Your rising is sacred, but so is theirs.
Meet them not with judgment, but with remembrance. The new world we are building needs both, not in competition, but in union.

To every man who feels unseen, unheard, or uncertain of his place in this shifting world:
You are not obsolete.
You are needed, not for what you can fix, but for who you are.
The world does not need you to carry it; it requires you to be a part of it.
Fully, presently, humanly.

Let love be your new strength, and awareness your armour.
The weight was never yours to bear alone. 🌿

Marcia

The Academic Necessity of Spiritism

There are moments in human history when philosophy, science, and faith must meet again. We are living through one of them. Spiritism, often dismissed as mystical or sentimental, belongs in this meeting not as a curiosity, but as an academic necessity.

Spiritism was never meant to be an escape from reason. From its inception, it has been an inquiry into the nature of consciousness one that welcomes observation, dialogue, and evidence. Allan Kardec called it a science of moral law because it studies cause and consequence across the visible and invisible dimensions of life. It does not ask for blind belief; it asks for method, comparison, and the humility to keep questioning.

Across centuries, humanity has studied matter with precision and soul with poetry, but rarely both together. Spiritism bridges that divide. It invites psychology, neuroscience, and ethics to share the same table to discuss not only how we think but why, and what consciousness becomes when detached from the body. It is here that Spiritism should stand in research, in classrooms, in debates about life and mind not on the margins.

The spirit world is not superstition; it is a continuum of life, interacting with us through laws we are only beginning to understand. Mediumship, intuition, moral conscience, and the inner transformations that follow near-death or transcendent experiences have been observed and studied for many years and are now receiving broader academic recognition. There is still much to learn, yet the times we live in show clearly why academia should emphasise the practical value of Spiritist principles within society: compassion, moral responsibility, and the understanding that consciousness continues beyond matter. Spiritism offers a coherent and ethical framework for such study: it welcomes investigation and dialogue, while reminding us that knowledge is most valuable when guided by love.

Every civilisation that rejected its spiritual dimension has eventually turned its knowledge into domination. The role of Spiritism in academia is to keep knowledge human. It restores responsibility to the thinker reminding us that to study life is also to respect it, and that science without ethics can wound the very being it tries to define.

Spiritism speaks to every scholar who has ever asked, “What animates the mind?” and to every human who has felt the quiet presence of something greater. It tells us that life continues, consciousness evolves, and that moral law, not force, governs the universe. These ideas are not incompatible with science; they are its next frontier.

It is time to recognise the quiet return of Spiritism to its rightful place, not as a rebellion against science, but as its natural continuation. Across universities, laboratories, and symposiums, a growing number of researchers now explore consciousness, ethics, and spiritual experience with openness once thought impossible. Spiritism does not seek validation; it contributes a framework where science remembers compassion, philosophy rediscovers meaning, and humanity recognises itself as both matter and soul.

✨ Quiet Clarity. Grounded Transformation. Soul-Aligned Action.

Marcia

Through the Veil: Knowing Your Spiritual Self

As October draws its final breath and Halloween lights flicker through the night, many see this as a season of costumes, laughter, and mystery. Yet beneath the surface lies something sacred, a moment when the veil between worlds softens, inviting us to remember that we are far more than what we appear to be.

In Spiritism, Halloween is not a night of fear or superstition. It is a gentle reminder that life is continuous, that consciousness transcends the physical body, and that love never truly ends. We are eternal travellers, learning through the experiences we call “life.” When we grow still, our awareness expands and what once seemed otherworldly begins to feel familiar.

The thinning veil does not reveal darkness. It reveals the truth.
We are not surrounded by ghosts to be feared, but by spirits, some still embodied, some beyond the body all moving toward light, understanding, and peace.

A Spiritist Reflection for Halloween

Pause before you celebrate.
Ask yourself: What energy am I choosing to carry tonight?
Every act, whether a smile, a costume, or a candle, holds vibration. Move through this evening with consciousness and calm joy.

Remember your protectors.
Each of us walks with unseen companions, spiritual mentors who guide us through intuition, dreams, and moments of quiet strength. Close your eyes, breathe, and thank them for their presence.

Pray for clarity, not protection.
Fear dissolves through understanding. When you know yourself as spirit, you are already safe. Darkness cannot exist where awareness shines.

Let love be your curiosity.
If you explore spiritual tools or rituals tonight, do so with respect. The spirit world answers not to power, but to vibration. Approach with love, and love will answer.

TFC Spiritual Growth Exercise: The Light Within the Lantern

1. Prepare a candle or small lantern.
   Light it with intention — not to summon, but to remember.

2. Affirm your light.
   Silently say: I am light. I am learning. I am loved. I walk with peace.

3. Feel it expand.
   Imagine the flame in your chest growing steady and kind, filling the room with quiet warmth.

4. Connect through remembrance.
   Think of someone you love — living or departed — and whisper their name into the light. Feel the connection as calm continuity, not loss.

5. Close with gratitude.
   Before extinguishing the flame, thank life — seen and unseen — for walking with you.

Closing Reflection

Halloween is not a night of fear.
It is a night of remembrance — of our eternal nature and our shared journey as spirits in human form.

The same energy that moves the stars moves through your heart.
When you meet another soul tonight, beneath the masks and stories, look for that spark of divinity, the same spark that lives within you.

This is how we live through Halloween:
Not by chasing ghosts, but by walking as light among them.

✨ Quiet Clarity. Grounded Transformation. Soul-Aligned Action.
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Marcia