My Relationship with Ho'oponopono

I came across the concept of Ho'oponopono more than ten years ago, and over the years I have put different aspects of it into practice to help me learn about myself, my behaviours and the way I respond to situations.

For me, practices such as Ho'oponopono and manifestation are states of mind that can support the work you are already doing within yourself. They can accompany a healing process, whether you are receiving treatment and support through traditional medicine or doing your own inner work. I do not see these practices as replacements for medical or professional care. I use them as practices that help me stop, pay attention to myself and become more conscious of what I am feeling and how I am about to respond.

Ho'oponopono has become particularly useful to me because I can use it throughout an ordinary day. I do not need to prepare a room, have a particular environment around me or wait until I have an hour available. I can use it when I recognise that I am becoming anxious, worried, impatient or reactive.

How I Use Ho'oponopono

Interestingly, I tend to use Ho'oponopono more naturally in Portuguese than in English. Being bilingual sometimes means that certain thoughts, emotions and practices come to me more naturally in one language than another.

When I recognise that I am becoming anxious or worried about something, I use these words:

Marcia, por favor perdoa-me. Sou grata. Eu te amo.

In English:

Marcia, please forgive me. I am grateful. I love you.

I say the words slowly. Then I breathe in and breathe out.

And I repeat them.

Sometimes I am anxious because I am going to an appointment. Sometimes I am worried about somebody I love. Sometimes I am preparing to meet someone or deal with a difficult situation. Sometimes it can be something as ordinary as sitting in traffic while everybody around me seems to be losing their patience.

I am human. Sometimes I start reacting too.

Someone starts beeping. Another person tries to push their car in front of mine. I become irritated and perhaps I start responding to the behaviour around me. Then I catch myself.

What are you doing, Marcia? Why are you copying the behaviour that is irritating you?

That is where Ho'oponopono becomes useful to me.

Marcia, por favor perdoa-me. Sou grata. Eu te amo.

I breathe.

And I repeat it.

The external situation may not have changed at all. The traffic is still there. The other driver may still be impatient. What I am trying to change is my participation in the situation.

Giving Myself Three Seconds

I talk frequently about giving yourself three seconds before reacting.

Three seconds is not a very long time. Let the other person speak. Let the situation unfold for a moment. Take a breath.

One.

Two.

Three.

Within those few seconds, I can begin saying the Ho'oponopono words silently to myself.

The purpose is not to pretend that I am no longer angry, anxious or worried. It is to interrupt my immediate reaction long enough to recognise what is happening inside me.

If I am about to complain, argue or demand that somebody listens to me, I can first ask myself why I am reacting in that particular way. Perhaps I still need to speak. Perhaps I still need to disagree. Perhaps I need to establish a boundary. Ho'oponopono does not mean becoming silent and allowing other people to behave however they want.

It gives me an opportunity to collect myself before deciding how I want to behave.

That distinction is important.

Nine Repetitions or 108 Beads

When I have more time, I sometimes use mala beads. Mine have 108 beads, and I move through them one by one while repeating the words.

I do not always finish all 108. Life happens. The phone rings, somebody needs something, work interrupts me or my attention moves somewhere else.

That is fine.

When I am walking in nature or have enough uninterrupted time, I may complete the whole set, and sometimes I will go around more than once. But you do not need to do that.

For a much shorter practice, I use nine repetitions.

You can use your own name:

Amira, please forgive me. I am grateful. I love you.

Paul, please forgive me. I am grateful. I love you.

Patricia, please forgive me. I am grateful. I love you.

Whatever your name is, speak to yourself.

You can say the words aloud when appropriate or repeat them silently inside your mind. I personally use them internally quite often, particularly when I am in a situation where I need to remain engaged with another person.

The number of repetitions is part of my own practice. I am sharing what I personally do, rather than telling you that you must repeat the words a particular number of times for Ho'oponopono to work.

Faith Does Not Have to Mean Religion

This conversation also brings me to something much bigger than Ho'oponopono: belief.

I am not a religious person. I have my own understanding of spirituality and religion, and there are aspects of Buddhism and other traditions that I have explored and learned from throughout my life.

But I am not interested in telling you which religion you should follow, whether you should have a religion at all or what you should believe about God.

You may believe in God. You may believe in spirit. You may follow a particular religion. You may be an atheist. You may trust science and have no spiritual belief whatsoever.

You are still welcome in this conversation.

We do not need identical beliefs in order to learn from each other.

There is no reason for me to spend my time and energy attacking another human being because they understand existence differently from me. There are far more useful things I can do with that time. I can sit beside somebody who needs company. I can listen to somebody who needs to speak. I can support someone who is frightened. I can learn something from another person whose experience of life is completely different from mine.

This is not a space where we need to fight one another over religion or the absence of religion. I want this to be a community in which we can learn, question, disagree respectfully and still treat one another with love.

Ho'oponopono and Manifestation

I also connect Ho'oponopono with manifestation because, in my own practice, it brings my attention back to myself.

Before I decide what I want from the future, I need to recognise what I am carrying in the present.

Before I project peace into tomorrow, can I practise some peace today?

Before I ask for love, how am I speaking to myself?

Before I ask for a different life, what am I doing with the life I have in front of me?

Ho'oponopono is not, for me, the only or the best manifestation practice. I do not believe there is one practice that everybody needs to follow. The best practice is the one that is suitable for you and that genuinely helps you become more conscious of yourself.

This is simply one of mine.

When I say:

Marcia, please forgive me. I am grateful. I love you.

I am bringing the attention back to myself. I am reminding myself that before I control my surroundings, complain about somebody else's behaviour or demand something from the world, I can pay attention to the person whose behaviour I am actually responsible for.

Me.

That is why, after more than ten years, Ho'oponopono is still something I return to. It is simple enough to use while walking, sitting quietly, preparing for something difficult or navigating an ordinary frustrating moment in the middle of the day.

Sometimes I use the beads. Sometimes I repeat the words nine times. Sometimes I have only enough time for three seconds and one breath.

That is enough to begin.