The Woman Motherhood Helped Me Become

Hello - the picture was taken many moons ago... afternoon tradition… baking with my little Chef….

My name is Marcia, and perhaps this is the first proper introduction I have written.

I have been living in the United Kingdom for just over twenty years now. This is my home. I am a great-granddaughter of Portuguese immigrants in Angola that have married Angolan women. A heritage of which I am very proud. Salford/Manchester is where I gave birth to my son and have been raising him.  Greater Manchester is where I have built friendships, where I have walked away from other friendships, where I have laughed, cried, learned and grown.

If you spend a little time exploring this website, you will discover different parts of who I am. You will read about my work, my journey, my books and the values behind Thrive Forward Coaching.

Today, however, I simply wanted to tell you who I am from my heart.

This month has been incredibly special for me because my son is celebrating his birthday.

As parents will understand, birthdays are never only about our children. They are also moments when we quietly reflect on the journey we have travelled with them.

I have spent this entire month celebrating him, because I am very proud of the gift of being a mother that I have chosen to accept and carry. Motherhood is one of the most incredible gifts that Mother Nature gave to us Humans. In spirituality, it also has an amazing meaning. You grow spiritually as you learn to become the best parent that you can be to your child. And please, what I am talking about is bearing a child inside of you for nine months and feeling that little human growing inside of you. It is amazing, and at the same time it is painful and ugly. Still, motherhood through biological pregnancy is probably one of the best gifts a woman can have for her entire life. Back to how I have been celebrating this month, not with extravagant plans or expensive gifts, simply by being present.

We have watched films together, spent quiet afternoons at home, talked, laughed and enjoyed one another's company. Those simple moments have become some of my favourite memories.

Parents of teenagers will probably understand exactly what I mean when I say that, for a little while, we almost lose them.

Not because they stop loving us but because growing up requires them to discover who they are. Then, slowly, they begin finding their way back to us again.

That has been one of the greatest gifts for me this year.

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Now, the special part for me is seeing that my son, who is a person on the Autistic Spectrum, has achieved so much on its own. He dedicates himself within his own time and strength to become what he aspires to be. What an amazing gift. Being a parent/carer for your child and reaching this milestone of adulthood, you feel entitled and empowered to see that you made it. You celebrate the caring parts that once were so painful and so difficult to go through. Now is different because every seed you planted inside your child’s heart and conscience is there alive. Is pulsing inside of him and ready to become visible and used in the best possible way. For us parents of Divergent persons, we need to learn when it is time to step back. But we stay close, because our caring responsibilities never end. But we have to learn to let go, slowly if must be. But let go!

And that is where and the why I have dedicated this entire month. It is painful; I cried so many sad and happy tears. But I have to be honest with you, I am also celebrating. Because we parents of persons with a disability know and feel every single minute of the day, the pain and the struggle. Once they reach adulthood and we see they will be “OK”, it gives us a massive release and relief of the heavyweight in our hearts and thoughts. So, please, understand that I am with you; I have walked in your shoes as a parent and as a professional. I see you. Take my hug, and together we will shed happy tears.

Now…. Society … You person that keeps saying: he does not look autistic. Please STOP!!! If you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you look like? … So, please stop the uninformed comments.

Now, back to WHO I AM … I have started to redefine myself and discover myself as another person and not just a parent, probably when he turned 16 years old… It’s been a while. Who I am today has also been moulded by my solo parenthood. I have appreciation for all mothers and dads out there doing it all on their own. I love you, and I respect you.

Who I am is what you see across the website; TFC was designed and thought of as I was discovering myself as a woman, as a mother and most importantly as a professional. Now, I have lost myself a bit because building a business and being a solo parent of my autistic son sometimes felt like a really bad idea. Why? Because autistic boys and girls go through phases, and every phase we have challenges, and for them it is always amplified by their own biological system. It is beyond the person. It is embedded into their system; it’s part of them.

Building a business while raising a child on the autism spectrum has never been easy. Daily challenges; some days it was hourly challenges. Because everything interferes in a new life phase they are trying to figure out, and you need to be fully present to support and guide. And most importantly, to give reassurance and to hold them when they need it the most. The problem for me is that I love what I do. I really do. I love it! So, giving up is not part of my plans. Building TFC and holding my son has been done somehow. And I believe this is who I am: the mother, the professional, the carer. My clients have my full attention and commitment as my son does.

I want to send to all carers out there my love and my words of healing. We care for the most amazing humans. They are sent from above with special gifts, and the most important gift they have is to make us learn and grow every day. We dedicate our lives as parents/carers, and we learn to see the world with different eyes. We become more caring, more humble and more dedicated to compassion and understanding. Never underestimate a parent who is also a Carer. They have special powers. A parent who is also a carer who is most interested in their caring responsibilities and trying to not lose themselves in them is remarkable, and we must respect and learn from their resilience and amazing strength.

Thank you to all carers. I see you, I respect you, I understand you.

And this is who I am.

And you, do you know who you are?

I would love to hear/read about who you are.

Remember: we have so many versions of ourselves, and all are acceptable. You are lovable.